Monday, September 27, 2010

Fancy assistant wanted: Inquire within

Courtesy: History Museum
As we've discussed before, Hollywood executives write the strangest job descriptions.  And by strange I mean somewhere between inappropriate and just plain stupid.  Well, one one of my loyal fans sent me a new one that drew her ire and lead her to note, "Seriously... now we are 'casting' the roles of assistants?"  I couldn't agree more.  Here's the gig:
A very high level Executive Producer, with projects in television and features, is in search of an amazing assistant...The executive is looking for a top-notch assistant who is refined, chic, polished, hip, and experienced (a couple years of assistant experience is required) with thick skin. You might even say she is looking for a “fancy” assistant. A female is preferred. Think Emily Blunt in Devil Wears Prada.
In addition to the comment noted by my reader, I find a couple other things confusing about this posting.  Perhaps someone can clear them up for me:

$1,395 at Saks
  • Explain how an assistant can achieve this desired level of chic, hip, polish or fancy at what is likely $15/hr.  Jimmy Choos don't just grow on trees.  And a Frederic Fekkai coiffe goes for $750 a snip.  So let's dial down the style demands.  The inventory at TJ Maxx has its limitations and the Flowbee doesn't have a setting for "Brazilian Blowout" yet.

  • Why would the executive want Emily, clearly the lesser of the two assistants in Devil Wears Prada?  Does this person want an assistant who forgets names of important people at critical moments?  Or an assistant who doesn't qualify to be part of the "best team possible" to take to the Hollywood equivalent of Fashion Week? Or an assistant who, by her own admission, has a major eating disorder? Or is this exec just looking for someone to get hit by a car?  Of course, if you're hiring Emily, then you must be Miranda, the high-powered shithead of a boss who is really a soulless vessel.  Perhaps you should hire an assistant to watch Devil Wears Prada first.

    4 comments:

    Anonymous said...

    Does "must have thick skin" translate to "I am an a-hole, know I'm an a-hole and don't really want to be a good boss, I just want to continue being an a-hole"?

    Anonymous said...

    I have a lot of thick skin on my heels. It has not helped in securing me a job.

    Anonymous said...

    geez, that is terrible. I can't believe entertainment executives and....stuff.

    Anyways, is there contact info to apply to this?

    that exec made me mad said...

    what kills me is that some of these execs think they deserve this level of professionalism. if you want an Emily blunt ala devil then you need to 1. pay more 2. lead to a better gig/advancement 3. provide contacts 4. be able to learn from.
    I already know how to pleasure a man, be adopted by rich folks, or scheme my way into a job so I doubt I will learn anything so its not worth it. Emily blunt, get real... people who wear heels everyday to nothing jobs look sad and unfortunate. we all know that the exec is most likely one step away from assistant anyway. :( you groom an assistant.

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