Wednesday, September 18, 2013

The 2013 Bennies

Congrats to all the losers.  You deserve it.
Despite my best efforts, I couldn't get Neil Patrick Harris.  Actually, his agent told me he's "technically available" to do any award show (see Tony 2009, 2011-13; Emmy 2009, 2013; TV Land Awards 2009; Tannen's Magic Louis Award 2006, World Magic Awards 2008; Spike Video Game Awards 2010).  But when I mentioned I needed him to do the Bennies, the only award show recognizing the worst in television, his agent at CAA neglected to return my calls, emails, faxes, texts and smoke signals.  So I gave up and decided I'd just list the winners and forgo all the pomp, circumstance and musical numbers.  Plus, no one wants to hear those crappy songs anyway.

The Bennie Awards are the only awards that recognize the Worst in TV.  Think of The Bennies as the Razzies for the small screen.

From July 19 - August 30, the viewing public voted from a list of finalists for this most prestigious award.  After tinkering around with a spreadsheet for longer than necessary, I tabulated the results for each category:
  • Worst Actress
  • Worst Actor
  • Worst Reality Personality (Female)
  • Worst Reality Personality (Male)
  • Pushing Daisies Award (honoring the best show canceled too soon)
  • DOA 2013 (new show least deserving of a network pick-up)
  • Worst Reality Program
  • Worst Scripted Program
Voting was conducted "American Idol"-style voting, so stuffing the ballot box was completely legal.  Each winner will be honored with the Golden Trash Can featuring an embossed likeness of Ben Silverman, the King of Bad Programming and the person for whom the Bennie Awards are named.

Now without any further ado, here are the results for the 2013 Bennie Awards.  See you again next year, hopefully with a better host.

WINNER: Katharine McPhee ("Smash" - NBC)
2nd: NeNe Leakes ("The New Normal" - NBC)
3rd - Kristin Kreuk ("Beauty and the Beast" - CW)
4th - Olivia Munn ("The Newsroom" - HBO)
5th - Kristen Bell ("House of Lies" - Showtime)
WINNER: Angus T. Jones ("Two and a Half Men" - CBS)
2nd - Connor Paolo ("Revenge" - ABC)
3rd - Matthew Perry ("Go On" - NBC)
4th - Sam Waterston ("The Newsroom" - HBO)
5th - David Zayas ("Dexter" - Showtime)

WINNER: June Shannon ("Here Comes Honey Boo Boo" - TLC)
Mariah Carey  ("American Idol" - FOX)
Britney Spears ("The X Factor" - FOX)
Shaunie O’Neal ("Basketball Wives" - VH1)
Christina Aguilera ("The Voice" - NBC)

WINNER: Ryan Lochte ("What Would Ryan Lochte Do?" - E!)
2nd - Donald Trump ("Celebrity Apprentice" - NBC)
3rd - Dr. Drew Pinsky ("Rehab with Dr. Drew" - VH1)
4th (tie) - Gordon Ramsey ("Hell's Kitchen" - FOX)
4th (tie) - Greg Louganis ("Splash" - ABC)

PUSHING DAISIES  (The best show canceled too soon)    
WINNER: "Happy Endings" (ABC)
2nd - "Enlightened" (HBO)
3rd - "Boss" (Starz)
4th - "Touch" (FOX)
5th - "Life’s Too Short" (HBO)

DOA 2013  (New show least deserving of a network pick-up)             
WINNER: "Dads" (FOX)
2nd - "Sean Saves the World" (NBC)
3rd (tie) "Super Fun Night" (ABC)
3rd (tie) "We Are Men" (CBS)
5th - "Tomorrow People" (CW)

WINNER: "What Would Ryan Lochte Do?" (E!)
2nd - "Princesses: Long Island" (Bravo)
3rd - "Splash" (ABC)
4th - "American Idol" (FOX)
5th - "Mob Wives" (VH1)

WINNER: "2 Broke Girls" (CBS)  
2nd - "Animal Practice" (NBC)
3rd - "1600 Penn" (NBC)
4th - "Smash" (NBC)
5th - "Arrested Development" (Netflix)

Tuesday, September 10, 2013

Brown List 2013 -- Call for Nominations


For the fifth year in a row, the Temp Diaries is surveying its readers to identify the MOST-LIKED and LEAST-LIKED entertainment executives.  Once the results are tallied, they are compiled into something I've called THE BROWN LIST.  THE BROWN LIST is designed to serve as a resource for job seekers to answer the question "Do I really want to work for [Hollywood Executive]?"

Nomination is easy.  Using the form below:
  • Write in your MOST-LIKED entertainment industry executive.
  • Write in your LEAST-LIKED entertainment industry executive.
  • Add any comments you feel like about your nominees.
  • Hit Submit.  All entries are completely anonymous. (See below for more info)
[Note: As my pirated Studio System has finally been shut down, PRETTY PLEASE include their company and title.]

THE BROWN LIST uses American Idol-style voting.  So nominate someone as many times as you want.  The deadline for nominations is October 4, 2013 at 11:59 p.m.  I will then tabulate the results and release them October 16, 2013, which by no small coincidence is Boss's Day.

Now get to voting...

Tuesday, September 3, 2013

Vote Temp X for Variety's "10 Assistants to Watch"

I offer so much and ask so little.  That's why I put out this post today.  Variety is compiling its list of 10 Assistants to Watch.  Needless to say, I decided I should be one of these people.  But to achieve this honor and long-overdue recognition, I need your help.  So here's the plan...
    Artist's rendering
  1. Below is a letter I've thoughtfully written on your behalf.  Just copy and paste it into an email and send it to Peter Caranicas (Deputy Editor, Variety) - and BCC me at  
Actually that's the plan.  Just one step - send Peter a letter trumpeting my importance to Hollywood.  Now, as if you needed one, there's an incentive to participate.  Should I achieve Top 10 status, I will select at random a winning voter from all who nominated me (thus the BCC part).  That winner will be rewarded for his/her efforts with a One-of-a-Kind Hollywood Temp Diaries beer stein.  You can then use this mug for whatever one might use a beer stein for.  The deadline is October 22.

I thank you in advance for your participation.  Now get to voting.  Here's the letter...

Dear Peter-

I would like to nominate Temp X from the Hollywood Temp Diaries ( for one of Variety's "10 Assistants To Watch."  I've thought long and hard about my decision and I was in no way encouraged to do so by any sort giveaway that could be perceived as "vote buying."  It would be very "Un-Hollywood" to do anything unethical or sell out.  Now as for the reasons for my nomination:
  • Temp X tells it like it really is in the Hollywood trenches, which is the most comforting thing someone in my position can ask for.
  • Temp X has helped many people get jobs and many more get interviews by routinely sending out job postings.  How can you dislike a guy who does that?
  • Temp X compiles the Brown List of Most-Liked and Least-Liked Hollywood Executives.  The Brown List is (sadly) a more valuable document than my college diploma.
  • Temp X was called a "Must-read" by Creative Screenwriting (May/June 2009) and "The definition of meaningless" by Deadline Hollywood.  Both of them are compliments and one of them must be right.
  • Temp X makes me laugh with such features as Another Day in Hollywood, Ask Fake Ari Emanuel and Celebs: They're just like us except better looking and dumber.  Additionally, The Bennie Awards recognizing the Worst in Television is the best award show ever. 
  • Temp X sponsored teams for the Hollywood Assistant Beer Pong Tournament.  My employer didn't even do that.
  • Temp X does all of this while temping around town and making less than $20,000 a year.
For these reasons and countless more, Temp X deserves inclusion in your 10 Assistants to Watch.


P.S.  I'm sure he's sorry about the time he posted instructions on bypassing Variety's pay wall.  Hopefully you can look past that.