Saturday, May 9, 2015

The new craze - Hollywood Bingo

People in Hollywood use the same gibberish all the time. It’s what makes this town so much fun…the lack of imagination and creativity.  In the spirit of Bullshit Bingo (the corporate-speak game that’s played in conference rooms all over this country), I’ve invented the Hollywood version.

The rules are simple. Every time someone in a development meeting says one of the following terms, just cross the term off on your playing card. The first person to get five across/down/diagonal and then yell out “Bingo you no-good hack” wins.

Good luck and happy playing.

Thursday, October 16, 2014

The 2014 Brown List

The day you hoped for/feared is here.  The 2014 BROWN LIST is complete.  A few interesting stats:
  • Total nominations topped out at just over 14,000.
  • The winner of the Most-Liked executive won with 735 nominations.
  • The "winner" of the Least-Liked executive garnered more than 5,700 nominations.
I will not spoil any more surprises.  So now, please enjoy the BROWN LIST.  And if you hear any weeping noises, bring your boss a box of tissues. It's pretty clear he/she might need them.

And one last thing, Happy Boss's Day.

Tuesday, September 9, 2014

Brown List 2014 - Call for Nominations

NOMINATIONS ARE NOW CLOSED.  STAY TUNED FOR THE RESULTS.

For the sixth year in a row, the Temp Diaries is surveying its readers to identify the MOST-LIKED and LEAST-LIKED entertainment executives.  Once the results are tallied, they are compiled into something I've called THE BROWN LIST.  THE BROWN LIST is designed to serve as a resource for job seekers to answer the question "Do I really want to work for [Hollywood Executive]?"

Nomination is easy.  Using the form below:
  • Write in your MOST-LIKED entertainment industry executive. [Please include company and title]
  • Write in your LEAST-LIKED entertainment industry executive. [Please include company and title]
  • Add any comments you feel like about your nominees.
  • Hit Submit.  All entries are completely anonymous. (See below for more info)
THE BROWN LIST uses American Idol-style voting.  So nominate someone as many times as you want.  The deadline for nominations is October 3, 2014 at 11:59 p.m.  I will then tabulate the results and release them October 16, 2014 which, by no small coincidence, is Boss's Day.

Now get to voting...

Friday, January 31, 2014

Guest blog post: Life, Poverty, and The Pursuit of Happiness

So from time to time, I have guest bloggers.  This is one of those time to times.  If you ever want to rant about your life in Hollywood, feel free to send me your thoughts.  I can be reached at tempx@tempdiaries.com.  It can be anonymous or bylined.  You pick.  This one is anonymous.

Enjoy.

What I really miss about my former life is going to the neighborhood café on Saturday mornings, picking up my latte, coming home, making toast, and then enjoying my little breakfast in its simple deliciousness, while sitting in my living room, on my cozy couch, and enjoying the quiet moments where I thought to myself, “this is life,” all in the comfort and safety of my own small, lovely, one bedroom apartment.

It’s been many months since I last experienced those moments of tranquility, of peace.  Those moments, that too often I took for granted, have ceased.  That couch has been sold, the apartment abandoned.  All the days bleed together where Saturday mornings are no longer a joyous reward at the end of a long work week, just a day that I’d lose track of if not for the differences in L.A. traffic, or the amount of people at Target.

No, I never envisioned this when I started following my passion to be a writer and a filmmaker.  I never imagined a life where an old, tiny couch in a cold, dark room would be a place I would now call home a couple weeks at a time, where given the neighborhood, every morning a part of me wonders if my car will still be outside and with all its parts still in place and unbroken.  Cozy no longer exists, and the quiet simplicity of the mornings that I used to enjoy is now marred by police sirens, the barking of a small, undisciplined dog, and the homeowner’s frequent belching.  What a lady.  

I have film credits now.  I have had great experiences with some filmmakers and I’ve been sorely cheated by others.  And though I’ve worked, I haven’t seen a paycheck in months.  An over-priced education and a considerable résumé has only brought me to a place of unanswered e-mails and inquiry letters.  After all, it’s never been about what you know, but who knows you.

Unemployment has run out.  My creditors now have their own ringtones.

Why would anyone do this?  The answer is simple.

Their unrelenting hope and dream of success is bigger.

Or they’re a masochist.

Friday, December 20, 2013

Peace on Earth. Good will toward...Nikki Finke?

The impossible has happened.  Nikki Finke finally likes me.  After more than five years of insults, hate mail, passing my scoops along as her "Exclusives"  and general disdain, Hollywood's Princess of Darkness has seen the light and has decided she should like me after all.

I love you too baby.


Friday, October 25, 2013

A Halloween Tradition -- The Nikki Finke Mask

Halloween seems to sneak up on us every year.  Since you've been putting in an ungodly amount of hours working for your dipshit of a boss, you've probably not had much time to go costume shopping.  But thanks to your friends at the Temp Diaries, I've solved that problem for you.

Normally, I wait until October 31 to post this, but I figured most of the good parties are happening this weekend (please send any invites to tempx@tempdiaries.com).  So why not do it now?  All you need to do is print out the Nikki Finke mask below, and follow the instructions list.  Then let the hilarity ensue.  Also, if you want to make it a little more tawdry, consider going as a "slutty Nikki Finke" (although that might be considered redundant based on my own experiences with Hollywood's Dark Mistress).  If you choose that as your costume, please send me pictures.

Trick or Treat!

Wednesday, October 16, 2013

The 2013 Brown List

The day you hoped for/feared is here.  The 2013 Brown List is complete.  A few interesting stats:
  • Total nominations topped out at just over 5,900.
  • The winner of the Most-Liked executive won with 384 nominations.
  • The "winner" of the Least-Liked executive garnered 830 nominations.
I will not spoil any more surprises.  So now, please enjoy the Brown List.  And if you hear any weeping noises, bring your boss a box of tissues. It's pretty clear he/she might need them.

And one last thing, Happy Boss's Day.