|I look adorable.|
Check it out. Now talk amongst yourselves.
|I look adorable.|
|Uh. My eyes are up top.|
|I can fly in this!|
|This is as fancy as I get|
|More to follow|
|E&Y doing their best.|
|I'm left alone with my thoughts. Ugh.|
|Casting is everything|
|No caption needed.|
|Still not real Ari|
|Are you looking at my boobs?|
|Another Frank Gehry-designed building|
Hey! How are you? I know we haven't met yet but I wanted to run some questions by you before our rendezvous. After all, it's going to be pretty expensive for me to come all the way out to you. (I've tried for years to get you to come to me, but you refuse.) I'd like just a few answers before I give everything up to fall into your somewhat vain and often times self-absorbed arms.
Question one revolves around your job situation. I hear you make it pretty hard for people like me to find employment. Is that true? Because if it is, that is so not cool - especially because I paid like three billion dollars for an MFA from a really famous arts school. Do you know how much three billion dollars is? I was under the impression that an MFA from a really famous arts school would help me, but so far no one seems to care.
Along those lines, if I do secure a job out there, will the people I work for be as insane as the people I worked for in New York City? Just tell me now so I can go out and buy a few boxes of black market Valium. Will I have a boss who will require me to deliver a certain newspaper to her nail salon minutes before she gets there or walk around aimlessly for an hour in attempt to find a bag of ice?
How about dating? What if I'm not interested in repeating scenarios that involve "artists" of various genres who forget my name but remember to repeat their own seven times within the first five minutes of meeting me? What if I don't want to talk about career during the entire first date? What if I only have eyes for Joseph Gordon-Levitt? Can you hook me up with him? Sure I'm not a model but I know how to make a fucking awesome meatloaf.
Most importantly – what is your crazy person population like? Can you guarantee I won't be screamed at before 8 a.m. or offered a headless doll as barter for lodging? One time, a crazy lady took a poop right outside my apartment. In the middle of summer. Can you promise this won't happen again?
Basically Hollywood, will you love me the way I'm prepared to love you?
[J is a freelance writer/editor to pay the bills, a screenwriter to keep her muse at bay and a blogger at TwenySomethings in an attempt to stay sane]
Temp X: Ugh.
Friend: What's the problem?
Temp X: She is...an idiot.
Friend: Your boss?
Temp X: Yep.
Friend: What happened.
Temp X: During the staff meeting she said she didn't like having to make calls, pitch clients or do any...you know...WORK
Temp X: Yeah. I'm employed by someone who formed a company that does work she's not interested in.
Temp X: Kill me. This place is basically a hobby with a payroll
Friend: I'm so sorry
Temp X: Oh and she also asked, and I quote, "In a business, what's the difference between a profit center and a cost center?" Did I mention she owns the company?
Temp X: :|
Friend: What are you gonna do?
Temp X: Laugh. Drink. Cry. The usual.
|Yeah, I know. More brown food.|
|Traffic jams don't exist here.|
Looking for a new assistant for an Exec Producer in TV commercials with interests in film and video games. (ok so far) Based in Los Angeles. (makes sense) Self Starter who wants to learn. (good, although the "s" in starter should be lower case) Hard working and willing to put in the hours. (typical) Great at research. (sure, it's called Google) Computer savvy. (a little confused just because my theory is if you can find the posting and also respond, you've clearly established computer literacy) Need to upload showreels burn dvds etc. (not sure what that means, but it seems doable. DVD should be capitalized.) Good at filing and organizing. (i before e except after c) Good writing skills. (Me talk pretty one day) Some errands. (ugh) Sense of humor. (a family walks into a talent agency...they do a bunch of dirty things...they call themselves "The Aristocrats.") Interview Thursday 5th. (whoops. Shoulda posted this yesterday) Be ready to be trained starting August 9th $150/day. (not awful, but still low paying) 4-5 days a week. (are there choices between 4 and 5?) Initially freelance position. (read: no benefits) Please send resume and picture (BINGO! IT'S THE OLD SEND A PICTURE WITH YOUR RESUME THINGY. GOTTA LOVE IT.) to firstname.lastname@example.org
|Boiled potatoes with red stuff|
|Fake Ari only looks like Real Ari|
|Not Real Ari; Coffee-bean pooping monkey|