Wednesday, September 18, 2013

The 2013 Bennies

Congrats to all the losers.  You deserve it.
Despite my best efforts, I couldn't get Neil Patrick Harris.  Actually, his agent told me he's "technically available" to do any award show (see Tony 2009, 2011-13; Emmy 2009, 2013; TV Land Awards 2009; Tannen's Magic Louis Award 2006, World Magic Awards 2008; Spike Video Game Awards 2010).  But when I mentioned I needed him to do the Bennies, the only award show recognizing the worst in television, his agent at CAA neglected to return my calls, emails, faxes, texts and smoke signals.  So I gave up and decided I'd just list the winners and forgo all the pomp, circumstance and musical numbers.  Plus, no one wants to hear those crappy songs anyway.

The Bennie Awards are the only awards that recognize the Worst in TV.  Think of The Bennies as the Razzies for the small screen.

From July 19 - August 30, the viewing public voted from a list of finalists for this most prestigious award.  After tinkering around with a spreadsheet for longer than necessary, I tabulated the results for each category:
  • Worst Actress
  • Worst Actor
  • Worst Reality Personality (Female)
  • Worst Reality Personality (Male)
  • Pushing Daisies Award (honoring the best show canceled too soon)
  • DOA 2013 (new show least deserving of a network pick-up)
  • Worst Reality Program
  • Worst Scripted Program
Voting was conducted "American Idol"-style voting, so stuffing the ballot box was completely legal.  Each winner will be honored with the Golden Trash Can featuring an embossed likeness of Ben Silverman, the King of Bad Programming and the person for whom the Bennie Awards are named.

Now without any further ado, here are the results for the 2013 Bennie Awards.  See you again next year, hopefully with a better host.

WINNER: Katharine McPhee ("Smash" - NBC)
2nd: NeNe Leakes ("The New Normal" - NBC)
3rd - Kristin Kreuk ("Beauty and the Beast" - CW)
4th - Olivia Munn ("The Newsroom" - HBO)
5th - Kristen Bell ("House of Lies" - Showtime)
WINNER: Angus T. Jones ("Two and a Half Men" - CBS)
2nd - Connor Paolo ("Revenge" - ABC)
3rd - Matthew Perry ("Go On" - NBC)
4th - Sam Waterston ("The Newsroom" - HBO)
5th - David Zayas ("Dexter" - Showtime)

WINNER: June Shannon ("Here Comes Honey Boo Boo" - TLC)
Mariah Carey  ("American Idol" - FOX)
Britney Spears ("The X Factor" - FOX)
Shaunie O’Neal ("Basketball Wives" - VH1)
Christina Aguilera ("The Voice" - NBC)

WINNER: Ryan Lochte ("What Would Ryan Lochte Do?" - E!)
2nd - Donald Trump ("Celebrity Apprentice" - NBC)
3rd - Dr. Drew Pinsky ("Rehab with Dr. Drew" - VH1)
4th (tie) - Gordon Ramsey ("Hell's Kitchen" - FOX)
4th (tie) - Greg Louganis ("Splash" - ABC)

PUSHING DAISIES  (The best show canceled too soon)    
WINNER: "Happy Endings" (ABC)
2nd - "Enlightened" (HBO)
3rd - "Boss" (Starz)
4th - "Touch" (FOX)
5th - "Life’s Too Short" (HBO)

DOA 2013  (New show least deserving of a network pick-up)             
WINNER: "Dads" (FOX)
2nd - "Sean Saves the World" (NBC)
3rd (tie) "Super Fun Night" (ABC)
3rd (tie) "We Are Men" (CBS)
5th - "Tomorrow People" (CW)

WINNER: "What Would Ryan Lochte Do?" (E!)
2nd - "Princesses: Long Island" (Bravo)
3rd - "Splash" (ABC)
4th - "American Idol" (FOX)
5th - "Mob Wives" (VH1)

WINNER: "2 Broke Girls" (CBS)  
2nd - "Animal Practice" (NBC)
3rd - "1600 Penn" (NBC)
4th - "Smash" (NBC)
5th - "Arrested Development" (Netflix)

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