Thursday, October 2, 2008

In the event you missed Knight Rider last evening...

I couldn't come up with a better idea, so today I decided to do a blog-along with Knight Rider. Now I know this isn't an original idea. There's a site that does this for Lost, but since good TV is still 4 months away from returning, this is what I'm stuck with.

Before I start, I'm gonna do a quick checklist: beer -- check. TV - check. Ok, let's get this party started.

7:57 p.m. -- Friends just called and said they'd sit shiva with me and mourn the death of television. I hope they bring better beer, I'm drinking...Pabst.

8:00 p.m. -- For as much as they throw into special effects, couldn't they afford a better blue screen for shots inside the car.

8:02 p.m. -- Illegal street racing out in Bakersfield. Guessing this turns into a rip-off of The Fast and the Furious.

8:03 p.m. -- Oh snap! The Asian bad guy just said "Racing for pinks." If this turns into Grease, I'm gonna be so happy. Where's Jeff Conaway?

8:05 p.m. -- The race is on. Mustang versus Lamborghini. Which one runs out of gas first?

8:06 p.m. -- Michael announces to KITT that he's gotta be the "Big Dog" and have "Street Cred" and not be "Shark Food." And I can't get a job as a writer?

8:08 p.m. -- Michael pleads for turbo boost. So much action. Luckily there's no story to keep straight. Opening credits. Time for beer.

8:13 p.m. -- The people at HQ discuss Chinese transmission, spy satellites. Did he just say "snipe hunting?" Oh, the Changs (the bad guys) are smuggling something. But neither I nor my friends know what it is.

8:16 p.m. -- My friend, who has been here three whole minutes remarks, "Oh God! This is terrible."

8:17 p.m. -- My friends are busy pointing out consistency errors. I guess the story isn't captivating enough.

8:21 p.m. -- Friend offers dirt on a cast member. I can't retell it, but trust me it's really good. It involves hot tubs, strippers and drugs.

8:25 p.m. -- Bikini scene. My friend says that the co-star is a poor-woman's Megan Fox. I'd believe that.

8:27 p.m. -- Did I imagine this bad dialog, or did Michael just say "Gimme a 3-D tushie replication - pronto." And when did he become Jewish?

8:30 p.m. -- I made it farther than I did last week! My headache is getting worse.

8:32 p.m. -- Friends made it 19 minutes before they couldn't take it any more. "It's not cute bad or funny bad. It's just boring bad." They're lucky and get to leave. I'm stuck here.

8:35 p.m. -- This show would have been much better as a sitcom. Or maybe I just don't want to watch another half hour.

8:36 p.m. -- KITT is outsmarted by a tattoo. Typical American car.

8:37 p.m. -- Still trying to figure out what they're smuggling. I know it's something that attracts women in bikinis.

8:43 p.m. -- Something just happened involving cars, a Russian man and something in cryogenics. Maybe they're smuggling Walt Disney?

8:44 p.m. -- Total letdown. It's just a weapons smuggling ring. Michael gets conked in the back of the head with a wrench. The oldest trick in the book.

8:45 p.m. -- Did I mention that NBC is gonna do a remake of the Partridge Family. Ben Silverman does it again. Who needs Nick at Night when you have NBC?

8:46 p.m. -- Michael is in the desert buried up to his head in sand. Why don't bad guys just shoot people? You're not Blofeld, so just shoot him.

8:48 p.m. -- KITT just transformed into a Ford Explorer. Why doesn't he at least turn into a car that won't roll over?

8:51 p.m. -- Uh oh, the friend is really a bad guy. I figured that out because he hit Megan Fox-ish in the shnoz.

8:52 p.m. -- I wonder if I'm the only one in the world left watching this show.

8:54 p.m. -- KITT gets his brain zapped by a big magnet. Or does he?

8:56 p.m. -- KITT uses his last ounce of strength to save all the good people and kill all the bad people. He's like Superman, but without the cape and snug red briefs. How come Superman wears underwear on the outside? Is that some sort of Kryptonian fashion statement?

8:57 p.m. -- The good dude turned bad dude drove off a cliff and blew up. I think he was driving a Chevy.

8:59 p.m. -- Michael has one last witty exchange with KITT and now the episode is over. Only another 6 days and 23 hours until the next episode.

Overnight Ratings:
Knight Rider scored a 2.3/6 -- down from last week's 2.4/7.


Anonymous said...

The only thing worse than bad television is blogging about bad television.

MissNic said...

Waiting for the ratings update to see if you really survived.

Anonymous said...

You should get a Twitter, Temp X.

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