Monday, September 14, 2009

The Vamp X and Donnie show

So I was thinking there aren't nearly enough vampire-related entertainment options these days. Sure there's Twilight, True Blood, The Vampire Diaries, the Buffy the Vampire Slayer remake, The Vampire's Assistant, The Vampire Chronicles, Daybreakers, Let the Right One In, Priest, Blood: The Last Vampire, Lesbian Vampire Killers, Castlevania, Minion and, of course, Glenn Beck. But does that really satisfy your need for dentally-impaired weirdos causing trouble after dark? (Sounds like an episode of COPS, huh?)

You might think you're stuck with only these 14 options until VH-1 starts developing Vampire Celebrity Rehab or Bravo greenlights the Real Vampires of Orange County, but you'd be wrong. For the folks at the Hollywood Temp Diaries are hip to developing "me too" projects.

So it is with great pride I roll out my concept for the next great unnecessary vampire entertainment spectacle...The Vamp X and Donnie show. Here's the pitch for the three-camera sitcom...

Vamp X was an emerging star in the fanged subculture. But out of control medical expenses resulting from a peat moss allergy necessitated a move from the sweaty, tawdry Louisiana bayous to the snowy, dreary South Side of Milwaukee. It is here that Vamp X takes a job working third shift at the Briggs & Stratton lawnmower assembly plant while seeking treatment for his condition.

He's on the mend and plotting his move to the other vampire outpost of the Pacific Northwest when real trouble strikes. His half-wit brother Donnie shows up on his doorstep.

Donnie (think Lennie from Of Mice and Men but 100 lbs. heavier and sweatier) has recently been fired from his parking lot attendant job after it's revealed he's keyed "Donnie wuz here" on the sides of at least 50 cars. And then there gambling debts from betting on professional wrestling.

Vamp X now finds himself taking care of his unemployable, couch-jockey brother, paying off these massive debts and putting up with Donnie's other shenanigans. Can he balance this with his need to keep his vampiring skills sharp? Think Perfect Strangers meets the Odd Couple but with fangs.

Kristen Bell stars as their unlucky-in-love neighbor.

I've already developed the ad campaign. Now all I need is a little financing.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Wow, I don't know if you're being sarcastic, but I had the same idea, and I was serious! It's called "Manpires". It's testosterone's answer to these pretty boy vampires misrepresenting the inherent dude in all vamps.

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