Sunday, May 18, 2008

The Upfronts -- As written by a Temp

Well, the streamers have strum, the drinks have been drunk and the drunks are off to rehab. Yep. The Upfronts are over. Hollywood executives can now return to doing what they do best, figuring out the next big show to import, slap a catchy name on and cast Jerry O'Connell. But before we forget all of last week in the needless-expenditured haze that it was, Temp X thought of a few ideas for shows too. Please indulge him as he presents his fall line-up.

So you think you can Temp? (FOX) -- A panel of judges filled with has-beens and never-weres evaluate temps as they perform embarrassing and dangerous tasks with photocopiers in hopes that they'll be hired on as full-time staff with benefits. Hosted by Regis Philbin.

CSI: Burbank (CBS)
-- Another spin off of the top-rated CSI franchise. In the pilot titled "Murder on the Burbank Express," sububan crime scene investigators led by Randolph McGirt (Ed O'Neill) are sent to a studio lot after a Hollywood executive is stabbed 48 times. McGirt becomes suspicious after all 48 temps offer the same alibis -- getting their bosses Tall Non-Fat Caramel Macchiatos. Turns out the temps were telling the truth, and the exec died trying to figure out something he'd never used before -- a letter opener.

TEMP (ABC) -- J.J. Abrams is at it again. A crew of temps en route to a film shoot run out of gas, leaving them lost and stranded on the 110 Freeway. The freeway has a plan for these hourly employees greater than they know. But first, can they survive mass transit and each other?

2 1/2 Temps (CBS) -- A leading talent agency makes a seemingly impossible staffing request in an effort to change temp providers. Hilarity ensues when the staffing firm sends over two regular-sized, but meek, temps (Chris Klein, Paul Dano) a wise-cracking midget (Verne Troyer).

TempX and the City (HBO) -- A temp and his three best friends (Kim Cattrall, Cynthia Nixon and Kristen Davis) gossip about their sex lives (or lack thereof) and find new ways to deal with being Temps in Hollywood. NOT BASED ON A TRUE STORY.

Late Night with Jimmy "the Temp" Fallon (NBC) - The new host of a late night talk show fights off network execs who quickly realize the error of their casting decision. D.L. Hughley co-stars.

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