Thursday, May 8, 2008

Temp X and Dating in Hollywood

One of the perks of living in Hollywood: you can throw a rock in any direction and hit a good looking woman. Whether or not she knows that a rock just hit her, well...that's a good question. But that brings us to today's subject: The Temp and Dating.

Temp X is a reasonably well educated person. He had an extensive career before moving to Hollywood. Temp X can talk intelligently (or at least fake it) on a wide variety of subjects. But there's one question a date can ask that elicits a paralyzing fear, a terror unlike no other. That question is, "So what do you do for a living?"

This is a simple question for most of the world. Teachers say, "I'm a teacher." Doctors say, "I'm a doctor." Actors say, "I'm a waiter." (ok, bad example) A Temp says...

"Well. it's kinda complicated."

Not surprisingly this will draw a confused look from your date.

"I'm a writer."

The Temp hopes this line of questioning is over. It never is.

"Oh, really? What do you write?"

Shit, there's a hole in the dyke!

"Mostly TV. Nothing you've seen."

Note: The use of the phrase "nothing you've seen" is designed to give the impression that you write for a living, just not on a well known show. It's also used to end that line of questioning.

"Try me. I love TV."

Another fissure?

"Well, I don't actually write on a show. I just finished a pilot and I'm about to start working on another."

"Oh that's great."

Crisis averted. Time for a celebratory bite of the nachos.

"Do you have a deal with anyone?"

Crisis NOT averted. Temp wonders if he just swallowed a whole Jalepeno?

"Well, I don't actually have a deal yet. I'm writing them on spec. Hopefully someone will like it enough to buy it."

"That's cool. Well, I'm sure something will come of it."


Surely this topic has been exhausted. Right?

"So, where are you repped?"

The Temp feels a bead of sweat run down the middle of his back.

"I'm not repped...yet."

"Do you have a manager?"

Another bead of sweat races to catch up.

"No. I'm trying to get my stuff out there. You know. YouTube, blogging, networking - a bunch of different ways."

"So how do you make money?"

A whole myriad of feeling, fears and anxieties come rushing in. They cause the Temp to ponder life and its greater meaning. The Temp considers taking the LSAT as he says...

"I'm a temp."

And then the date ends.

This scene plays out over and over among young, single Temps trying to make their way in Hollywood. Now for those of you saying "Why not get that all out at once, and move on the with date?" there is a simple answer. If your boat has run aground, do you throw everything off, or do you throw off just the amount you need to get things moving in the right direction.

Temp X agrees.

Coming Soon: Temp X's Hollywood Flashbacks

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