Wednesday, May 21, 2008

The Golden Age of Hollywood -- The math behind the madness

All great societies are based on a social system -- the Greeks, the Romans, Ancient Egypt -- they all had it. Those from India call this a Caste system. In Hollywood, it's called Poincare' (after one of the early researchers of the "Chaos Theory"). But understanding the inner workings of these systems requires more than just a knowledge of interpersonal relationships, macro-economic theory and religious beliefs. There's actually a mathematical equation to determine the duration of each society.

Anyway, the key thing to note is all these great societies all collapse under the weight of their own hubris. The only reason it's taking Hollywood a little longer, is that plastic surgery is holding it in place.

So for all those wondering how much longer the Golden Age of Hollywood is going to go on for, here's the answer...

x = Duration of the society (in years)
a = Original ideas from such community (e.g., the wheel, Arrested Development)
b = Transportation cost (e.g., a chariot, a BMW M5)
c = Average age difference between societal elders and their wives (in years)

So in this case:

x = -50,000 +/- SQRT (50,000^2 - 4 (1)(50))/2(1)

Which leaves us with two answers:

-24,999 years (For the network execs unfamiliar with math, this answer won't work. We can't have negative time. Just like we can't have a 65-week year, or half-hour shows that last 40 minutes.)


.055 years (approximately 20 days). Eerily enough this happens to coincide with the time that SAG and AFTRA could authorize a strike, thus crushing the part of Hollywood that wasn't destroyed with the WGA Strike.

The end is near. Drink up.

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