Thursday, May 19, 2011

An Open Letter to Lars von Trier

Dear Lars,

Just say no
I know you've had a tough 48 hours.  You said at a press conference after the debut of Melanocholia at Cannes that you "understand Hitler" and you "sympathize with him a bit."  For these comments (jokes or not), the festival's board of directors deemed you Persona Non Grata and threw you to the other side of the velvet rope.  To make matters worse, The Hollywood Reporter called Melanocholia "a bit of a bore."  So while you've probably retreated to Denmark and crawled into a bottle of akvavit, I'd say it's about time you cheer up.  In 10 short months, you'll be getting standing ovations again.  How do I know this?  I have two words for you -- Mel Gibson.

Seriously Lars, listen to me.  It was a scant 320 days ago that Mel's voicemails to his baby mama, Oksana Grigorieva, leaked out to the press.  He said all sorts of quirky things.  And let's not forget his "Jews are responsible for all the wars in the world" rant.  Look at Mel now.  He's getting a standing ovation at Cannes for The Beaver.

See.  You'll be back in the headlines -- the good kind -- before you know it.  The one thing you need to remember about Hollywood is people here have a very short memory -- likely the result of extensive cocaine use or possibly general stupidity.  Whatever the reason, you can say racist, homophobic, anti-Semitic or generally hateful things and within a few months, people will have forgotten completely.  It worked for Mel and it'll work for you.

I know these are tough times.  But it's gonna get better.  I promise.  And how much could the Cannes Film Festival really despise you if they still have your press conference on their website?  You can even re-live the hilarity. It starts at 34:30.

Now turn that frown upside down.

Your Pal and an overall Good Jew,
Temp X

1 comment:

Amos said...

He'll be fine. Nobody ever kept him around because he was pleasant or made entertaining movies. When they put a microphone in front of him, they know he'll say something provocative. It's just like baseball writers and Garry Sheffield. They loved him, because he always gave them something to be outraged about.

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