Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Ask Fake Ari Emanuel

Still not real Ari
Welcome to another edition of Ask Fake Ari Emanuel.*  Fake Ari will answer all of your questions because he's made it to the second highest level of Hollywood -- WME2.  And who knows? One of these days CAA might just hire him as a floater.  If you have any questions for Fake Ari, please send them to

*Any similarity to any person living or dead is merely coincidental.  No animals were harmed during the writing of this posting.  Please don't sue me.

ANONYMOUS READER ASKS: I graduated from an Ivy in 2006 and a top 25 law school in 2009.  Following graduation I used every connection I had at the top agencies to get in as an assistant. Eventually, I got an interview with CAA but it went nowhere (Why did your slaves at WME blow me off son?). I don't fit that storm trooper mold I guess. Ultimately, I took a clerkship and have been working that for the past year. But I can't take it anymore. I have to become an agent; nothing else will do.

Tell me something I don't know
FAKE ARI EMANUEL RESPONDS: It's not often that Fake Ari doesn't have an answer for everything.  Ask me the last digit of Pi, I know it.  Looking for the answer for the Grand Unified Theory - child's play.  Hell.  I even know why Jim Belushi keeps getting work.  But your question almost had me stumped.  Your credentials fit in perfectly with what this town is looking for -- Ivy-league ego, Top 25 law school (unless you went to UC Davis, they don't count).  But yet no work.  So I poured myself a glass of Chivas 18, grabbed a copy of the Wall Street Journal (I read the paper version) and the answer became clear as to why you can't find employment with an agency -- the unemployment rate in California is 11.7%.  It's the second worst jobless rate in the country, only beating out Nevada.

There are tons of people like you wandering the streets of Hollywood trying to join the ranks of people like me.  You're over educated and underemployed.  My advice to you is simple -- move to where the jobs are.  Or be a manager.  Those jobs are easier to get.

Oh, and they're not considered slaves if they do it voluntarily.  Then they're just considered young, impressionable fools. 

That's what he said
ANONYMOUS READER ASKS: I've been interning since Jan 2010 - nine months of it being desk level experience. I'm in and out of interviews at CAA and Gersh but didn't land any past the initial HR interview. I was wondering what you think is appropriate follow-up with HR is. I don't want to piss them off and I don't want them to forget about me.  Thoughts?

FAKE ARI EMANUEL RESPONDS: Fake Ari has one simple rule about interviewing -- if they want to call you, they'll call you.  Everything else will piss them off.  As for the nine months of internships...well...the longer you want to work for free, the happier your employer is.

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