Tuesday, September 16, 2008

More crap that might be coming soon to a theater near you...

I'm sure you're familiar with the phrase "Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery." Well in Hollywood the phrase is slightly different. Out here the it goes "Imitation is the only way you stay in business because we believe the American public is just a bunch of suckers who will pay their hard-earned money to see the same basic idea with minor adjustments." Actually, I think that's probably the abbreviated version, but you get the point.

So without any further adieu, here's a list of scripts that have recently been sent out to producers. If you're lucky, some or all might come soon to a theater near you.

[Note: A theme will emerge, let's see if you notice it.]

Logline: SUPERBAD set in the world of competitive tennis.

Smells Like: Jokes about fuzzy balls, love, game/set/match and someone using a tennis ball shooter as a weapon. Does Anna Kournikova have a cameo? That'll be the only thing worth looking at in this piece of...

Prospects: About the same as a McCain/Palin win in November...frightfully possible.

Logline: SUPERBAD for adults at a giant football tailgate party.

Smells Like: ...the only thing worse than watching a riveting match-up between the Houston Texans and the St. Louis Rams. Expect oodles of product placements from Coors Light and Outback Steakhouse. Oh and there will be at least one Zubaz pants joke.

Prospects: Like Brett Farve, this idea will be retired, then it will unretire when it realizes that it'll make $12 million dollars, then it'll start playing and wish it had stayed retired.

Logline: SUPERBAD but one of them is gay.

Smells Like: A bad ABC After School special, but not as bad as What if I'm Gay? Neither Ed Marinaro nor Evan Handler star. Tolerance preached. Stereotypes dispelled. Yadda Yadda.

Prospects: If Hollywood will greenlight a bio-pic on Liberace, anything is possible. This is not to say that Liberace was gay. He never admitted to anything of the sort. Also, the Santa Claus is real and the fundamentals of our economy are strong.

Logline: SUPERBAD in a retirement home.

Smells Like: A chance for Bea Arthur to do something other than be the butt of Jeffrey Ross' jokes about shaving her back. But seriously folks, I'm guessing Christopher Walken plays a key role in this bad idea, just like he did in Balls of Fury.

Prospects: Have you ever seen Going in Style with George Burns, Art Carney and Lee Strasberg? No? Please watch it instead of Winter's Discontent.

Logline: A family's life is turned upside down when a father's innocent wish causes his son and daughter to switch bodies with the family's dog and cat.

Smells like: Freaky Friday with pets.

Prospects: SUPER BAD (actually it'll probably do really well, which is even scarier).

Yep, a Chris Jasper reference. Look closely, the joke is there.

1 comment:

Jenn said...

You make $20,000 per year and we're supposed to think you're wise in your choice of Obama over McCain? Do you even know what you're talking about, other than repeating what you hear everyone else say? Which is essentially nothing?

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