Wednesday, February 11, 2009

You may already be a loser!

If you haven't already, you'll soon be laid off from your job as a Hollywood barnacle. Congratulations. You'll join thousands of people just like you from Disney, Warner Bros., NBC, Viacom, MTV and any of the major ad agencies who have suffered similar fates.

Once this pink slip comes your way, you'll immediately scour the web for any gig that's remotely entertainment based. You might even apply for a Production Assistant gig on an Jack Lalanne Power Juicer infomercial. But one day you'll unearth an open position at NBC that'll cause you to polish your resume, spruce up your cover letter and change your email to something more professional than "" Three words of advice, "Don't bother applying."

The reality is there's a 99.99% chance you'll get rejected. Luckily the lag time between application and rejection is about two months, so you'll have killed enough brain cells during that gap that you don't remember applying. But if you have a memory better than mine, maybe you will. Anyway, the point is you'll get a letter like the one below. So save your time, recognize your efforts are futile and move to a town where jobs still exists -- Oklahoma City.

*Note: I've added a couple remarks on things I find curious. They're highlighted in red.

Dear Applicant,

I am sending you this email as you either applied directly to NBC Universal for the position of Administrative Assistant, Original Programming, Job Number 856751) or your resume was in our database and you were considered for this position [Ed. Note: So you might actually get rejected from a position you didn't actually formally apply for!].

We wanted to inform you that this position has been filled.

We would still like to maintain your resume/CV in our electronic database located in the U.S., hosted by a third party provider. [Ed. Note: You need not fear that your data has been compromised by a data center employee in India. He's in Orlando. ]

The database allows us to match the skills on your resume/CV against the requirements of other open positions. If a relevant match is made, a business representative will contact you to discuss the opportunity.

By initially sending in your resume/CV, you consented to your resume/CV being processed and maintained in our electronic database consistent with GE’s Candidate Data Protection Standards. You may review these guidelines at If you no longer consent, please send an email to requesting that your resume be deleted from the database. Please provide your full first name, last name, mailing address and home telephone number. Any emails sent to this address for any other purpose other than the above will not be responded to and will be discarded. Alternatively, you may send a letter to the address provided in GE's Candidate Data Protection Standards.

If you would like to know what other positions are available at GE, please visit Job opportunities that are available and open to external candidates will be posted on this site. You can easily set up a job agent and be notified via email when available job openings that meet your criteria are posted to the site. Simply click on Expanded Search and then Job Agent and follow the instructions.

Once again, we thank you for your interest in GE and we wish you every success in your job search.


NBCU Human Resources


Anonymous said...

I've been tortured by NBCU Human Resources for the past 4 months. This is by far one of my favorite posts you've written yet, because it's so fucking true.

Anonymous said...

Agreed. And I totally applied for that job.

Anonymous said...

The brilliance of the timing is astounding. Here I thought when I got that note yesterday that I was actually considered for a job at NBCU. Love this more than I can say.

Anonymous said...

It's not any better out here on the East coast.

Anonymous said...

Wow. I'm actually impressed. Frankly, I would consider ANY reply, even a rejection an improvement over my usual dead silence. To date, the only company that ever answered an application of mine (and I've sent out a lot) is the one I currently work at... and that was for an internship.

Anonymous said...

NBCU is the only studio to ever contact and interview me from an emailed resume.

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