Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Get your Comic-Con on

This Thursday, the most lopsided male-female ratio outside of mainland China will descend up San Diego for Comic-Con. Yep, the international comic book convention is back for its 38th year. While to the outsider it seems like just a bunch of weirdos in Storm Trooper outfits hunting down the one girl dressed as Princess Leia (tip: she's just a spokesmodel and is paid to seem interested in you), the reality is comics are big business. Since 1978, the AVERAGE box office take for a comic book adaptation is $92 million! And that's not even adjusted for inflation! Ok, too much math. This is supposed to be about cartoons.

The other great thing about comics, they help Hollywood execs avoid doing something they dislike more than anything -- thinking of an original idea. I know Heath Ledger gave a great performance as Joker. But come on! Batman had enemies other than The Joker.

So what does this have to do with Temp X? Actually that's easier to explain than why The Hulk got a sequel. (No shortage of ideas, we promise). Allow me to introduce the next great superhero of Greater Burbank -- Super Temp. Or am I? Let's compare my superpowers to Mr. Tony Stark/Iron Man:

Super Temp: Acquiring an agent, first-look deal and a house in Malibu. Wants to better TV one program at a time.
Iron Man: Decides to altruistically better mankind through technology.
Edge: Super Temp

Super Temp: College graduate (with honors) at 22, rated "almost genius" by the online IQ test, can type 40+ wpm, scored 90% on MS Excel and MS Word tests.
Iron Man: Graduate college at 14. Genius-level intellect, called the world's greatest "futurist" by fellow superhero Reed Richards.
Edge: Iron Man

Super Temp: Comes from carrying scripts, coffee urns and office supplies. Strength enhanced by bagels left over from client meetings.
Iron Man: Comes from his superpower armor, which houses the world's best weapons systems. In addition, the suit grants him preternatural strength and endurance and enables him to fly.
Edge: Iron Man

Iron Man: Sex, liquor and magnets.
Super Temp: Sex, liquor, television and PowerPoint. Sometimes confused with the Shaven Yak from "Ren and Stimpy."
Edge: Super Temp

Super Temp: Hourly pay varies from $11 - $17 per hour.
Iron Man: $3 billion almost entirely from Stark Industries.
Edge: Super Temp (Anyone can live a comfortable life with $3 billion. Try doing it at $500 a week!)

By a 3-2 margin Super Temp kicks Iron Man's ass. I make him look like the Tin Man from The Wizard of Oz. Oh, and if anyone from Marvel or DC is reading this, my rights are negotiable.


Elana said...

This is supremely excellent. I support future Super Temp/Superhero battles of this nature.

Anonymous said...

Adore your stuff. It's so true is sad which is in turn funny. FYI i would take down the joblist and keep it to yourself before UTA finds out...they will take legal actions.

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