The network upfronts are next week. Which is most likely to happen at these liquor-soaked events?

ABC will do something bland. -- 16%

CBS announces it will only air "CSI" and "2 1/2 Men." -- 16%

Fox will trot out a clearly bored Simon Cowell to make snarky remarks. -- 6%

NBC will forget to show up. -- 13%

The CW will change their name to "Fox circa 1995." -- 6%

Nothing, because no one can afford to advertise. -- 39%