Tuesday, December 16, 2008

New Year's Resolutions for your Boss

Movie studio and TV network executives are busy people. They have to make sure their advertisers, business partners and/or actors are happy. They need to make sure they're on budget (or at least not drastically over budget). And most importantly, they have to make sure they're employees aren't completely miserable or fearing for their jobs.

Sadly this doesn't leave a lot of time for reflection and analysis, something that is necessary as we come up with our New Year's resolutions.

But the folks at the Hollywood Temp Diaries are here to help. We've developed a list of resolutions these busy execs can choose from. We recommend selecting at least five from the following list. Chances are you'll forget two of them, screw up two more and attempt to keep one. Even achieving that step may make Hollywood a better place.

[Note: If you're not sure which applies to you, please quit and move out of town.]

  • No more circus-related TV shows.
  • Ask your assistant about his/her career goals. Listen and try to help.
  • Don't create shows that will obviously fail (eg., Opportunity Knocks, Crusoe, Do Not Disturb)
  • Don't spend $150 million on movies with narrow appeal (e.g., Speed Racer, Australia)
  • Treat your assistant like a educated, well-informed and valued member of the team.
  • Do your part to make sure there's not another strike.
  • Recognize that everyone's time is valuable.
  • Learn your assistant's name.
  • Don't put Eddie Murphy in a "fat suit" ever again.
  • Recognize that cable/satellite market penetration is up to 92 percent market penetration -- meaning 9 out of 10 people can watch networks with better programs like TNT, FX and Showtime.
  • Don't make any dance competition shows -- five is five too many (DWTS, DW: B vs CA, ABDC, SYTYCD, SOD).
  • Pay your assistant more. They deserve and need every penny.
  • Don't remake every movie (or these) from the early 1980s.
  • Don't turn every last comic book into a movie.
  • Quit hitting on your assistant.
  • Buy the rights to the Hollywood Temp Diaries (this is applicable to both TV and movie execs.)

And here's my resolution...

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