Sunday, December 28, 2008

Hollywood's Worst of 2008

Hollywood execs are full of bad ideas. This isn't anything new. But we're not here to discuss bad ideas from yore like Supertrain or Joey (and Hollywood's inability to learn anything), this is about the year that was.

Without any further adieu, here's a list of Hollywood's grand Fuck Ups of 2008...

[Note: I'm sure I'm missing a bunch of them. Please send along your faves as I will compile them.]

SAG Threatened Strike -- This seemed like a perfectly good idea until a combination of the obvious and really obvious kicked in -- shows could go AFTRA instead, every other union has settled, people remember not working during the WGA strike, oh, and the economy is in the toilet. The only person who couldn't figure this out without serious help is the soon-to-be ex-Mr. Marg Helgenberger. Luckily he pulled his head out of his ass long enough to think about it.

Rosie's Variety Show -- It takes a special degree of bad to sub for a show that's being cancelled and pull worse ratings. Worse than Knight Rider?! [Just a thought: Perhaps Conan O'Brien should have seen the pie in the face gag on Rosie's show as some sort of omen?]

The CW's Sunday Night alternative -- In a move that makes Sarah Palin's jet/eBay fiasco look like genius, The CW sold off programming rights for Sunday night to Media Rights Capital. It's a perfectly good idea except that it puts someone else in control of your product and your brand. Kinda like putting a Buick logo on a (errr...what kind of car is worse than a Buick). Anyway, when the ratings came in the deal fell apart and The CW looks sillier than it already does.

Harry Potter coming sooner or later to a theater near you -- Lest we forget the cover of Entertainment Weekly's Fall 2008 movie preview had Mr. Harry himself in all his wizardly garb. The only problem is that EW's sister company decided to push back the release date until Summer 2009 but didn't tell the magazine.

A reality show featuring [imprisoned athlete name redacted] -- As much as I'd love to tell you who this is, my Temp code of ethics prevents me from doing so. But suffice it to say, this is a shameful, pathetic, embarrassing idea -- no wonder it's generating interest. If this show sells before one of mine, I'm giving up and moving. Either that or I'll get arrested for [crime redacted] and [other crime redacted]. Then I'll make it in this town. -- Warner Bros incorporated in 1923, owns thousands of films and TV properties worth watching (and selling advertising on, thus making money, boosting revenues, etc.) and the best they can do on is Friends and A Boy Wearing Make Up. They'll say they're targeting "tweens" or "Gen Z" or some other microdemographic, but the reality is Hulu is kicking their ass. Methinks they should get together with their corporate sibling AOL's site In2TV (yeah, I've never heard of it either and yes, it's a terrible name) and make a product people might want to watch.

Not Hiring Temp X -- By not hiring me because I have: a) too much experience, b) not enough experience, c) never set up a paintball party, d) etc. -- you've put yourself in a situation where now I temp just to make fun of you. So for every Hollywood exec who leaves at 3 p.m. every Wednesday for a "massage," has their assistants messenger their cocaine for them, asks their assistants to lie to cover up their infidelity or throws phones at people because they can -- Thank You. You are all my Muses.

See you in 2009.

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