Thursday, November 13, 2008
The Hollywood Temp Diaries recently rolled out its official mascot -- Temp X. But I soon realized I didn't give it the introduction that such a momentous occasion deserves. So here's a little Q&A to answer any questions you might have regarding the newest member of the family...
Why did you make an official mascot?
Every Hollywood website has one. Heck even Perez Hilton has some ridiculously cartoonish character with pink hair who whores himself out to anything with a wallet. So I figured why not jump on this money train.
What do you plan on doing with it?
I plan on merchandising the hell out of it. $12/hr just barely covers rent and dog food (for Dog X, not me). Soon everyone in Hollywood living just above the poverty line will be wearing "Temp X" shirts ($79.95 + tax), drinking from "Temp X" coffee mugs ($49.95 + tax) and dining on my line of "Temp X" bagels ($34.95/dozen) stolen from craft services over at CBS Radford.
What inspired the design?
Temp X is a combination of the Pringles potato chip guy and the character from the Zoloft commercials. The rationale is that these two comprise the diet of the average Temp.
Am I missing something, or does Temp X have no arms?
Is it an optical illusion, or are Temp X's ears crooked?
You are correct. This is based on an article from the Journal of Audiology about the adverse events resulting from spending too much time on the phone (e.g., rolling calls). To summarize, when you hold the phone to your head, your ear moves a little. Normally the skin's elasticity would recover and your ear would move back to its natural location. The problem is that telephone receivers emit a small percentage of high-frequency electromagnetic waves that can damage the skin's ability to bounce back (like when you run your underwear in the dryer too many times). Over time and/or through concentrated usage, the elasticity of the skin around the ear can be damaged to the point that the ear will actually sag.
Is the mascot male or female?
All Temps and Hollywood assistants are emotionally and spiritually neutered by virtue of their job rendering this question impossible to answer.
What happened to the cow or whatever the other one was?
The Shaven Yak got hired as an executive at NBC. He has everything they're looking for, an empty head, plastic features and no understanding of what makes for good television.