Friday, August 15, 2008

Temp X's job interview -- A recap

"You realize you're gonna end up being [name redacted's] Bitch."

Certainly a curious thing to hear when at the start of a job interview. But such is life in Hollywood. People say things like that in interviews and the applicant (in this case, Temp X) doesn't run out the door and call the Department of Labor.

"I completely understand. To get where I want in this town, that's something I'm more than willing to be."

I lied. No one wants to be anyone's "Bitch." No one wants to be anyone's nanny, office wife/husband, babysitter, memory or otherwise. But we sit there and smile and agree.

"I really need to impress upon you that you're really gonna be his Bitch. You're gonna do bitch work like making copies, setting appointments, emailing scripts. It's a lot of Bitch work."

Clearly someone was taking their "Word of the Day" calendar a bit too seriously. You can probably just use the term once. No need to employ it in every sentence.

"I'm eager to learn and this is a great environment to do it. [Name redacted] is a legend. I can't think of a place I'd rather work."

I lied again. I was just tired of calling my Pimps every Friday to let them know I'm available. I often feel like the day laborers standing outside of Home Depot. Except those guys get paid more. A steady job would be nice.

"Do you know how to roll calls? Are you good with computers."

I hate this question. It takes my entire education, work history, intellect, interests and life experience and boils it down to my ability to push buttons in sequence. Lemme check. The quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dogs. Ok that worked. One more test. 424-288-2000. I believe I'm in the clear.

"Yeah. Both Mac and PC. I'm a pro at rolling calls."

"Great. Oh, and it pays $400 per week. Well, I gotta get back to the desk. We'll be in touch."

And that was it. That was my interview. I just told someone I want to be [Name Redacted]'s copy-making, appointment-setting, script-emailing, button-pushing, $10-per-hour Bitch. All this said, I still want the job.

THAT is life in Hollywood. What a Bitch.


Anonymous said...

You simply can't accept that job. If you do, then there will be no more Temp Diaries for the rest of us hopeless saps!

And then you'll be nothing but a...bitch.

Anonymous said...

So... the Bitch Diaries? I'd read.

papa bear said...

you no doubt left out the best part about jobs like this:

"uh yeah, we don't really take out taxes, so it's kinda up to you to file a 1099 since you will be technicall employed as a freelancer, but you won't have the benefits of setting your own sked like a REAL freelancer"

Welcome to yearly auditsville when the IRS doesn't believe you can possibly make that little money. AKA my wonderful Hollywood existence. :)

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