Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Ask Fake Ari Emanuel

Still not real Ari
Welcome to another edition of Ask Fake Ari Emanuel.*  Fake Ari (not to be confused with the real Ari Emanuel) will answer all of your questions because he's made it to the second highest level of Hollywood -- WME2.  And who knows? One of these days CAA might just hire him as a floater.  If you have any questions for Fake Ari, please send them to me at TempX@tempdiaries.com.

*Any similarity to any person living or dead is merely coincidental.  No animals were harmed during the writing of this posting.  Please don't sue me.

Welcome to Hollywood!
ANONYMOUS READER ASKS:  I'm a recent college grad looking for an assistant position in Hollywood.  Should I include my college sorority involvement on my resume?

FAKE ARI EMANUEL RESPONDS: Is it one of the good sororities?  If so, yes.  But if it's one of the crappy ones (and you know what I mean) then no.  

Actually, Fake Ari is going to be serious for a moment.  No one in Hollywood cares what fraternity or sorority you were in.  It doesn't matter if you were President, Fall Rush Chair or Hazer-in-Chief.  The second you get your diploma, your affiliation with the Panhellenic Council is meaningless.  In fact, your Greek affiliation meant nothing even when you were in college...you just didn't know it then.  That said, certain things acquired in the Greek system like pain tolerance and faux sincerity are very useful in Hollywood.  Don't lose those skills.

Lazy picture idea
ANONYMOUS READER ASKS:  Howdy.  I love your blog!  I was just wondering what's the story behind keeping your resume to one page long if you're under 30?

FAKE ARI EMANUEL RESPONDS: First of all, no one starts a conversation with Fake Ari with "Howdy."  This isn't one of those "flyover states."  This is Hollywood.  Call me "Mr. Fake Emanuel." 

There are two answers to your question:
  1. You haven't accomplished a goddamn thing yet.  Here's a rule of thumb: if the word "Assistant" is somewhere in your title or job description -- one page.
  2. People in Hollywood can't read.

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