Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Ask Fake Ari Emanuel

You wish you were me.
Welcome to another edition of Ask Fake Ari Emanuel.*  Fake Ari will answer all of your questions because he's made it to the second highest level of Hollywood -- WME2.  And who knows? One of these days CAA might just hire him as a floater.  If you have any questions for Fake Ari, please send them to TempX@tempdiaries.com.

*Any similarity to any person living or dead is merely coincidental.  No animals were harmed during the writing of this posting.  Please don't sue me.

ANONYMOUS READER ASKS: I am currently a senior at Ohio State and am graduating in June. Needless to say I will be applying for jobs soon and was curious if you believe it is overkill to send a cover letter when one is not requested, or is it assumed when one would send a resume.

Buenos Dias.
FAKE ARI EMANUEL RESPONDS: Oh to be young and stupid again.  Actually, to be honest, I was young, but never quite this stupid.  I'm sure it's a bit disorienting.  You probably wake up in the morning and wonder which shoe goes on which foot - this despite the fact that they are labeled "Left" and "The Other One."

I'm going to go out on a limb and guess that the only experience you have is an internship (at best) and, more likely, only as a waiter at Hang Over Easy on Neil Ave.  So in reality you have nothing.  This means you need to do your damnedest to convince HR that your "can-do" attitude is good for doing something other than serving up the offensively-named "Dirty Sanchez" - scrambled eggs, chorizo, hoe fries (keeping it classy) and cheddar cheese wrapped in a soft flour tortilla and smothered in (even more) cheddar cheese, salsa and sour cream.  A well-crafted cover letter might just help.

Just make sure there are no typos in your note.  And don't be so pretentious as to write The Ohio State University.  You and I both know OSU is still only the fifth-best school in the Big Ten regardless of how many definite articles you use.

Just look for this.
ANONYMOUS READER ASKS: I'm a Canadian who lives in Canada right now, and have had little success getting responses to my applications. I feel my background's pretty strong. More importantly, I'm passionate about film, have some experience in writing and making short flicks, and I feel my cover letters are fairly strong as well.

Is it possible that I'm not getting responses since I'm not a U.S citizen?

FAKE ARI EMANUEL RESPONDS: Duh and duh. While the Canadian unemployment rate is 7.2 percent, the jobless rate in California is 10.9 percent. And don't get me started on the whole H1-B visa process.  I don't care how nice your resume is, you stand a better chance of finding the God particle with a magnifying glass and a pair of tweezers than you do finding a job in Hollywood. [Note: Despite what you might think, the God particle isn't named after me, although it should be.]


Unknown said...

Very nice review. Thanks for sharing! Forms

Anonymous said...

Fake Ari tells it like it is and has the security to prove it.

Anonymous said...

I dont think that last question was real. Canada has a solid market. if he wants to come over he has to leap out on faith. No question everyone knows that.
The first question and answer was great, it is a little gray area.

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