Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Ask Fake Ari Emanuel

I have a large penis.
Welcome to another edition of Ask Fake Ari Emanuel.*  Fake Ari will answer all of your questions because he's made it to the second highest level of Hollywood -- WME2.  And who knows? One of these days CAA might just hire him as a floater.  If you have any questions for Fake Ari, please send them to TempX@tempdiaries.com.

*Any similarity to any person living or dead is merely coincidental.  No animals were harmed during the writing of this posting.  Please don't sue me.

ANONYMOUS READER ASKS: I'm trying to decide what format to send my resume.  Do I attach it?  Or put it in the body of the email?  Should I send them in Word or .pdf?  Which one is the best and is it bad to send .pdf and Word in case the Word doesn't open? Please help!

Inhale. Exhale.
FAKE ARI EMANUEL RESPONDS: First of all, Fake Ari has two words of you -- "CALM THE FUCK DOWN!"  Jesus!  At this rate you're going to have a heart attack before you turn 23.  That said, Fake Ari is a big fan of Darwin and natural selection, and weeding out people like you could only benefit mankind. 

But on the off chance you get your blood pressure under control through medication or redirect your anxiety by grinding your teeth, I have an answer for you.  Take a deep breath.  The correct answer is attach it as a .pdf AND paste it into the email.  Any place you're sending your resume to can open a .pdf because pretty much every script comes in that format.  And pasting it in is a good idea in the event they're too stupid to figure out how to open an attachment.


This stuff writes itself.
ANONYMOUS READER ASKS: I'm an acting coach/actress in need of steady income. Do you have suggestions and know of any studios that are seeking a great acting/set coach or set coaches who would share advice on how to get a set coaching gig?

FAKE ARI EMANUEL RESPONDS: You're a comedienne, right?  I mean you have to be.  Who else would say "I'm an actress in need of a steady income?"  Have you already mastered the "Two nuns walk into a bar" routine?  Wow!  Fake Ari hasn't had a laugh like that since I fired my last assistant for using the three-hole punch too loudly.

But to answer your question - Fake Ari has no idea.  But fear not, Fake Ari is smarter than you and is always full of good suggestions as to where to start.  Have you considered calling places like Lee Strasberg Theater & Film Institute or the Screen Actors Guild for potential ideas?  Fake Ari thinks those places might be useful.  But you should stick to comedy, you're a natural.

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