Monday, April 21, 2008

The Breakfast Club -- Part 2

There are times a temp goes to work and there's nothing to do except wait for the phone to ring. Normally these days are o.k. because they allow Temp X an opportunity to write. But on days when the brain and the script aren't cooperating, well, work is a lot like high school detention.

With that in mind, Temp X started to think about the different types of Hollywood temps. And as if by the hand of John Hughes himself, it turns out they fall into 5 distinct categories. [Temp X also assigned them a rating (1-10) on how well they do in the temp world. Consider these ratings before applying to temp.]

Welcome to The Breakfast Club:

The Princess -- These temps feel the work they're doing is beneath them even though they applied for the job in the first place. These people are easy to spot because they say things like, "I double majored in film and rhetoric at NYU." Princesses don't make it long as temps because they refuse/forget/ignore work or do such a mediocre job, they're never asked back. TEMP RATING: 3

The Athlete -- These people are usually actors. They are good looking, affable and are experts at manipulating the system. "Need time off to go in for a reading? No problem." "Hey, here's a little bonus for doing such a great job getting my lunch." "You should talk to my friend Jerry Bruckheimer. He'd love you for his new pilot." How do they get by? Everyone wants to be their friend. The Athlete can even play pranks on co-workers, although maybe not taping Larry Lester's butt together. TEMP RATING: 4

The Basketcase -- You can never tell what's going on in the mind of this type of the Basketcase. Is this person a homicidal maniac? Or is just a drop out from the CAA agent training program? And why the dark circles under their eyes? They somehow seem to get their work done despite taking a cigarette break every 45 minutes. They are auteurs and don't you forget it. TEMP RATING: 6.5

The Nerd -- This is the person who knows everything about every movie ever made and won't hesitate to tell you. Wanna know the Director of Photography on MEMENTO? The Nerd knows. These people are very efficient, and they do everything by the book. The only problem is they are annoying as shit. TEMP RATING: 7.5

The Criminal -- Temps live a meager existence (dictated, of course, by their meager pay). This type of temp will look for a way to cheat the system and make the gig worth their while. Sometimes they'll steal something big (pad their time sheet, steal a DVD collection) or something small (long distance phone calls, office supplies). But you can be sure they'll rip off something or someone. So they fit in perfect in Hollywood. TEMP RATING: 10

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