Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Ask Fake Ari Emanuel

Fuck off
Welcome to another edition of Ask Fake Ari Emanuel.*  Fake Ari will answer all of your questions because he's made it to the second highest level of Hollywood -- WME2.  And who knows? One of these days CAA might just hire him as a floater.  If you have any questions for Fake Ari, please send them to

*Any similarity to any person living or dead is merely coincidental.  No animals were harmed during the writing of this posting.  Please don't sue me.

ANONYMOUS READER ASKS: I graduated from SUNY-Oneonta recently with a degree in Mass Communications and a minor in Journalism (please save the state school joke, it's below you).  I was writing for newspapers for a while and realized I'd rather work in film.  I then interned at a production company as an assistant to the president.  I've finished my internship and am now seeking steady employment.  I am having trouble finding it like everyone else.

What I want to know is, do you think my degree is holding me back at all?  Would a minor or major in film have been more suitable for a career at an agency in LA?  Are state schools actually looked down upon in real life?

Fake Ari don't dig on swine
FAKE ARI EMANUEL RESPONDS: Fake Ari would first like to congratulate you on completing your schooling at SUNY-Onomatopoeia.  Fake Ari is sure that securing an education where you major in things that sound like what they are is quite the challenge.  Was your senior thesis about the etymology of "oink"?

Chortle.  Fake Ari makes Fake Ari laugh.

Fake Ari believes that in Hollywood, like in much of the business world, the type of degree and the name of your school is helpful, but it is far from the only important factor in securing a job.  Fake Ari has had grads from Harvard and Northwestern as well as University of Arizona and (gag) Florida State fetch him coffee.  If you can prove to Fake Ari, or all the Fake Ari wannabes out there, that you are determined, reliable and smart, you might have a chance in Ari-wood.  Otherwise you're fucked.

ANONYMOUS READER ASKS: Could an assistant make themselves more valuable if they had a killer movie project to try to shepherd around while they worked?  That seems to be a way to elevate themselves from temp to exec.

Fake Ari is a rich man
FAKE ARI EMANUEL RESPONDS: Fake Ari is amused by the naivete of people like you.  If Fake Ari had a nickel for every time he's been told by some bright-eyed underling that they have a "killer movie project," Fake Ari would be a very rich man.  And Fake Ari is a very rich man.

Fake Ari thinks you are missing the point.  If Fake Ari were you, he would take key steps like...WRITING A  FUCKING SCRIPT!  Or if you've actually made this key first step, although he's doubtful that you have, then network.  And network some more.  And when you're done doing that, keep doing it until you find someone interested in representing you or working with you.  Produce on your own time, not while you're making Fake Ari's shiatsu massage appointment.

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