Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Call center employees are stupid everywhere

"Thanks for calling, please hold"
Any temp knows, when you start a long-term assignment, you need to set up your computer.  This entails all the nonsense of dealing with Microsoft and often times a network ID and password.  And this brings us to our story of the day.

I recently started a long-term gig at a major network in name only (their ratings are in the toilet).  The first thing the 28-page temp manual said was for me to create a network login.  So I filled out three forms presumably created by the CIA, had my boss sign them, fax them in and wait for a call from the IT department to take care of the final steps.

Here's what happened when that call came through...

INT.  Formerly Important Cable Network
Temp X sits at the desk gazing wistfully at the computer screen.  He longs for his tech problems to be resolved so that he can either A) do work, or B) waste time on Twitter.

The phone rings.  He answers it.


TEMP X
Hello [Executive's Name Redacted] office.

No response.  But he can hear Carnatic music going on in the background.

TEMP X
Hello [Executive's Name Redacted] office.

"PAUL"
(In a thick Indian accent)
Hello this is Paul from tech support.  How may I help you today?

TEMP X
Hi.  Thanks for calling.  I need my computer set up.

"PAUL" 
Yes I am calling to help you exactly on that matter.  We have received all of your paperwork.  I believe you to be confirmed.

TEMP X
So I'll just need my password for logging in, right?

"PAUL" 
That would be correct.

Long pause

TEMP X
So what is it?

"PAUL" 
I will need to be to calling you back and leave the password on the voicemail.

TEMP X
Well can't you just tell me now?  I'm on the phone with you.

"PAUL" 
I cannot.

TEMP X
Why not?

"PAUL" 
This is our policy.

TEMP X
Wait, what?

"PAUL" 
This is our policy.  I am unable to tell you your password directly.  I must leave it on your voicemail.

TEMP X
That's kinda silly, don't you think.

"PAUL" 
No, not at all sir.  Now I will need to be calling you back on this number and leaving a voicemail.  It will contain your password.

TEMP X
Well Paul, that poses a bit of a problem.  You see, I just started here today and no one knows my voicemail password.  So you can leave it here, but I'm just gonna call you back in five minutes and ask you what my network password is...unless you also know my voicemail password.  Then we'll kill two birds with one stone.

"PAUL" 
I do not know that information.

TEMP X
Well, this brings us back to where we started.  You NEED to tell me my password, because if I go back to my boss and tell her that I can't log into my computer because the tech department is left my password on a voicemail I can't check, she's gonna fire me...Got it?!

[Now I can't verify this, but I have this sneaking suspicion that at this time Paul looked left, then right. Then he snuck into the corner of his cubicle hoping no one would see what happened next.]

"PAUL"
(whispering)
Your password is...
(pause)
A-B-C-1-2-3
(pause)
Now do not tell any person ever that I did this.  I will be in very much trouble if you do.

TEMP X
Your secret is safe with me.

"PAUL" 
Is there anything more I can do for you today.

TEMP X
Nope.  You've done just enough.

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

If that happened to Joey on "Friends," I never would have believed it. Truth is stranger than fiction. On the bright side, it's a long term assignment, which is a good thing, right?

Anonymous said...

fucking IT...

Anonymous said...

Haha you totally work at Viacom. I remember that policy well...joy of joys. I'm guessing VH1. Still a paycheck is a paycheck!

Anonymous said...

I love the line "You've done just enough." Aim high, dude. Aim high.

Anonymous said...

I had kinda the same thing happen to me. Just two people trying to work with nonsense. I barely trust my neighbor not to steal my mail yet alone someone that I cannot reachout and touch

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