I came out here with a mission: not to fail.
I knew it was going to be hard. I didn’t have a lot of experience in production or writing, but I knew enough and did enough to where I thought I would do just fine.
My first thoughts in Hollywood were simple -- if I could get my foot in the door and learn at any production company, show, movie, online magazine or otherwise, life could go on from there. But the problem was I never grew up knowing anyone remotely connected to the industry. I had a good internship at a Fortune 500 TV and movie company in college, but when it was over, they showed us the door. Used up and spit out.
I met random people here and there, but nothing concrete. I would talk to alumni from my school who offered to help, but in the end, they would say, “Sorry I really can’t do anything for you.”
I continued to feel like a beat-up ball in the Hollywood game. I was being crushed over and over by people with more heft and connections than I. Day after day, I would put myself out there to the best of my ability. I’d surf the job sites for hours, go out and look, talk to people. But the end result was always the same. Nothing.
Undeterred, I pushed forward and did what many of us unemployed do -- live off savings and just keep going. I've done an odd-assortment of jobs to make ends meet: worked as an assistant at a college, boxed junk for the elderly and even signed up to be an extra (for exposure to the production process and free food).
It's been eighteen months since I moved here and life has never been so scattered. I’ve always known what I wanted, but this industry has taught me I can’t always get what I want. I’ve come to a point where I want to be in this field so badly, but I no longer know what I want to do because I've been told “No” so many times. I do know now I must shut down the past of mistakes and regrets and declare open season on my future. I must find whatever I can to simply stay in this city. As daunting as all of this has been, it no longer terrifies me. I fight, I push, I yearn, I claw, I research for the next new opportunity that presents itself to me.
I might not have won yet, but I'm getting there.
Thursday, August 4, 2011
Share this with someone you care about:
Topic: Celebrity Guest Columnists