Wednesday, January 20, 2010

It's not stealing, it's just supplementing your paltry income at someone else's expense

Now that I'm a big time assistant, I can look down my nose at you temps (notice the lower case). It doesn't matter that you likely still make more than me, I'm the one with the title. I also have the über-cool email with the format boss's and 11-hour work days. Jealous much?

I kid of course. I'll never forget where I've come from -- mostly because one week as a beaten-down assistant isn't enough to undo four years of being a beaten-down Temp (notice capital "T" when referring to myself). We Temps need to stick together and share life lessons. Thus I'd like to impart a bit of temping wisdom -- take things from your Employer du Jour.

Now I'm not suggesting grand larceny. And stealing your boss's BMW 7-series is certainly a "No-No." But there are things you can take to improve the quality of your life and save you a couple of bucks. Following is a list of some of my favorites. Feel free to list what you like to pilfer in the comment section.
Printer paper: A must for any writer. Your average ream of paper costs about $5 at Office Depot. And by the time you've hit the 7th draft of your movie script, this can get expensive. Grab 100 pages of blank paper, stick 'em in your bag. No one will notice or care.

Pens: Another must. The best way to gauge the success of a company is how good their pens are. CAA uses great my very favorite Pilot® Precise™ V7 Liquid Ink Rollerball Pens. I've probably taken 20 during my stints there. I recommend you do the same because they ain't cheap. [Tip: Take both blue and red ones.]

Food: Instant oatmeal packages, bags of chips, candy bars are all there for the taking. People assume you're gonna consume them at work. So does it matter that you take them home and combine them for a nice dinner? Nope. Bon Appétit.

Magazines: This is more for fun than anything else. You'll never learn anything from Entertainment Weekly, Us or People. But it'll give you something to do when you're on the toilet. Plus the crosswords are easier than your average 2nd grade spelling test.

Promotional CDs and DVDs: These aren't always the easiest to find. But if you should get a gig working in the music department of home video, there's a treasure trove of those shiny discs for the taking. I highly recommend the new Green Day album as well as The Best of Crank Yankers. [Tip: Catwoman is not worth taking. Trust me.]

Scripts: Every new project in Hollywood is a cheap imitation of something that came out just a few years ago. Raid the script library. Then do a global "search and replace" on the characters' names, their city and occupations. There you have it. It worked for Family Guy, so it should work for you too.

and finally...

Your Boss's MS Outlook Contact List: Just export the data and a CSV (fancy terms for an Excel spreadsheet) and email it to yourself. It's that simple. It doesn't come in handy a lot, but when it does, it's nice. I also recommend writing down the log-in info for Studio Systems or IMdB Pro. This is great to have.

Good luck. But if you get caught, don't ask me to bail you out of jail. Conjugal visit, sure. Bail money -- no way.

[I couldn't decide which video to add. So I did both. Music in the early 1990s was so darn good.]

janes addiction been caught stealing

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

God love you for posting a clip of MINISTRY

clearly you are smart, have taste, and are generally fckn awesome.

well played

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