But I figured I might as well join this bandwagon. It might increase site traffic. So I've devised a simple test to help you determine what kind of assistant you are. You can use this as a career guide or simply tell your therapist when he asks why you're crying again.
Take the test and follow the instructions. It's that easy...
![](https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiiN4ioFUkaT2E-9eUmGymOvkA-tpuKCzIDoPJLzxzs2iWOBBK8jiyLQ4eJV0BEpj0u06hE2-yQWAWhYPhsTsaGKLka6VUFbXMX8RfXHRfipga8p5VK_X8QrWo3UXmNHvr28M5vauSUEI8/s200/526889174_d23886640c.jpg)
1 - McDonald's
2 - Starbucks
3 - That fancy Italian cafe across the street
4 - Reheating yesterday's leftover swill, passing it off as new and telling your boss that really bitter coffee is all the rage in Vancouver.
Jammed photocopiers make you...
1 - Happy, because you have a built in excuse to not go back to your desk.
2 - Stupid, because you double majored in Film and Econ and you can't figure out how to fix the fucking thing.
3 - Angry, because you end up getting toner all over your clothes.
4 - Strange aroused, because...errr...
![](https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj1B96JexbrpHBwnJQEGe7y7Q45gxEHRMm6BaV_o-End2HLSjv7CsmyQhxBDnoLJWFj3VyMBBWL3KDoP-BCCakAOIbpMV6PTnsCIQTNWKE8v5H5Xe7Gib_7cM-kSMsErVdjV4pvWeLm5I4/s200/51KXYA30TDL._SL500_AA240_.jpg)
1 - Pick up his dry cleaning.
2 - Turn on his computer every morning and print out every email, even the Spam.
3 - Ask for a refund from his coke dealer because "it just wasn't that good."
4 - Bang his wife (she's hot and she's flirts with me every time she calls. I guess technically that's not doing something for him, but whatever.)
I realized I'd been an assistant too long the moment...
1 - I got excited that my employer has an electric hole puncher
2 - I was glad the stock market crash had no effect on my 401k because I don't make enough to contribute to it in the first place.
3 - I love every second of every minute of every day of my job.
4 - When I started answering my home phone "[Insert your boss's name here] Office"
![](https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjr7lAxLe0Z2XIj98A6Eqr0Xa6nS68_73k6WghgzUHXcM1I6iR9qxSWgvhCFO3LgQXFmGMPDp3O5fpIcDQvdNGrs0yMZ48iTJ1K97TWa468mfplVtfRPhdt6zxsS1i9UtU_MS2v-Gm17yc/s200/Dvd90210.jpg)
1 - Produce, whatever that means
2 - Write, because it's cheaper than therapy
3 - Be just one level above my boss so i could make his/her life miserable
4 - Get a boob/nose/lip job so I can finally get an agent. My years of classical training don't seem to be cutting it.
The most entertaining show on TV is...
1 - Gossip Girl
2 - It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia
3 - Anything that my boss booked a client on
4 - Anything on BBC - America (before Ben Silverman acquires the rights and subsequently fucks it up.)
![](https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjz9uhx6gVR771882XKWSJYp1GQc6A4ezLnDeqBS1-qJ5tU3MdV79XlQRqOCRZYJ5G1MiNy8A3kGETVEIN_DNj2wJJBttwXoWeQiMLeImv7MQWpKTExlbR-W-aHt86nsxzCPlqSPTpga0I/s200/lileBook.jpg)
1 - Eric, because I'm in a little over my head but I try really hard.
2 - Lloyd, because my boss constantly yells at me.
3 - Ari Gold, because I'm a soulless Hollywood prick.
4 - Vince, because I'm philosophical about life and smoke a bunch of weed.
![](https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmzBfG65EJANtCxM1kc2_c1jRrB4WFFoxaTo3yyAQGfTA2e4TzyKzksSyo07mwWr823-36XXIqagcZwQRhdEQdSuwTin0TBStDRdzZcxUled7nWKckB8MeE7kcKeaoWcPQAbU7qZjRJQ8/s200/blink_182_enema_of_the_state_front.jpg)
1 - Getting my diploma from USC Film school
2 - Having my temperature taken...down there.
3 - Sneaking my way past the bouncers and into Hyde, back when it was popular.
4 - Having my life goals explained to me by online quizzes.
So for every time you answered #1, you have 1 point. For every #2, you have two points. And so on. Add the numbers up and see where you fit in with the scale below...
0-8 - You're a newbie and still an idealist. This will change but for now take any gig that pays.
9-16 - You're a realist and should only work for small production companies that make "important/critically acclaimed films." [Note: These companies often fail.]
17-24 - You have the soul of one of the Dark Lords of the Sith. Hello Deathstar (CAA).
25-32 - You're still fairly normal and don't start every conversation with the sentence "So what gig are you at these days?" Move out of town quickly.
32+ - You can't add properly. Try again.
2 comments:
Thank you for the laugh.
This is brilliant! I've been a fan for a while and you've inspired a lot of what we're trying to do! Mind if we add you to our blogroll?
Thanks for the laughs!
-LC
ramendiaries.blogspot.com
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